The Knives on My Back

We all know a lot of people. Most of the times, we refer to them as friends but are they really what we call them? Some of those are faces we saw everyday while some appears when favors are in need. Some are friends with benefits, some are just people you would want to shake away as soon as they come near you.


I have a friend whom I thought would be a true gem. She has all the makings of a good friend and i trusted her, though not fully because i have just known her for a few months. 


One fine day, she sold her pride to the devil and betray her friends and I.


We found out about it but she didn't know that we have. Since then, i am hearing a lot of negative things about her. I don't know if it's due to the fact that i've had knives sticking out of my back or i have been blinded by her good deeds all the while. 


I believe everyone has both the good and the bad. Personally i think i am mature enough to not be influenced by the bad of others; that i can befriend them despite of what they are. Even then, some people are somehow etched with evilness that I think staying a yard away will do more good before harm comes in your way. 


I suppose it's all up to you. There is no right or wrong. If you think that you are strong enough to pull a certain person out from the 'darkness' and shine a bright light on them, then by all means, please do it. The world needs more of people like you.


As for me and that friend, i am not that friendly with her anymore. We still said our hi's and how-are-you's but that's it. She practically crossed the line in one particular incident and i think it's best that i stay away. Far, far away.

The L Word

I was looking for a file in my laptop when I came across this piece. I couldn't recall if I have publish it in here, so I'm doing it now, just in case. Here goes.

Love is supposed to be wonderful. Love is unconditional and kind.


Love was supposed to bring all sorts of fuzzy feelings like the after-taste of a cup of warm cocoa. Then again, I have learned not to assume.

Experience taught me that love can be cruel. Love has the ability to destroy every bit of trust one may have. Love is actually conditional and laced with despicable intentions.

I have seen it – how love damaged a life, a family and a sacred institution called marriage. I have witnessed how love changed a person’s priorities and how it has turned a man into a beast. I have seen how love has caused humiliation, depression and disappointments.

Love and pain should not be in any single statement. In real life, more often than not, it does.

It’s probably the most painful thing one can ever experience – to love someone and have that love turned into the sharpest knife that went straight through the heart. The pain is unbearable that you don’t think you are able to pick yourself up and place one foot in front of the other.

I guess the bigger question is why it had to hurt and the mere mortals, given that fact, are still hung up on love. No one should suffer from bitter love. Not even the most hideous criminals.

Bitter-Sweet Symphony

It was indeed an eventful Aidilfitri.

A lot of emotions running - high, low, the whole combo.

There were definitely a lot of tears.
Even the skies were gloom, marking broken hearts and wounded feelings.
There was no better place to be than the sacred house.
Sheltered from hurtful words and tactless actions from those whom are too proud to be among us.

We are fine without you.
Raya is for us, for our family to be united and together.
You have chosen your path, so be it.
You are no longer a part of our family.
No more in our tree, definitely not in our hearts.

Leave us be.
We are happy.

Farewell My Friend

Saying goodbye is always hard. Especially when it comes to close friends.

Last Friday, I bade goodbye to yet another good friend. She's venturing into much greener pastures and I have no doubt that she will be appearing in electronic media pretty soon. I am so happy for her but as far as letting a good friend go, I'm not too happy about it. Oh well. One can't have everything one desires.

To my dear friend, all the best to you. I know you will do great. I'm gonna miss you lots.

What becomes of the broken-hearted

There.

A new look for a new beginning, or the end of a chapter for this blog.

I can't even start justifying the reason why I have abandoned this blog for months. Of course, work got in the way and blogging time was down to a bare minimum. Truth is, I never really made time to sit and blog. I did kept my thoughts and rants in a journal. A black book with a dedicated silver pen. I suppose some thoughts are better kept off-line. Some things are better off kept to myself.

Well, let's pick things up where they were left off.

Top of the list - a good friend has left the company. Actually, good is an understatement. He's a great person and an exceptional friend. Of course, our 6-years-friendship went through ups, downs, turbulence and the sort. I guess that made us tighter. Seeing him go was hard. Preparing a farewell book for him was harder and accepting the fact that he's not sitting next to me in the office to share gossips, stupid, sometimes mean jokes and bitch about work was by far the hardest of all.

Heck. Life goes on.

Second on the list - a betrayal. Urgh. The thing I hated the most. Especially when it involves a close friend. I don't want to get into details but suffice to say that it hurt me deep enough. I couldn't even muster the energy to talk to her, let alone do the 'forgive-and-forget'. At least not yet. I am still hurting.

Again, life won't pause for my grieving.

Next, a bit of a damper to the whole scenario because the office is now brimming with people tendering their resignations. As much as I am happy for them to be venturing into greener pastures, I can't help but wonder how it would be without them. Friends that i shared rants, secrets, meals and shoulders to cry on - the kind of pals that don't come easily. At least not for me.

Nevertheless, life keeps moving on.

Tell me just how am I suppose to keep looking at the bright side when all the good things in the office are dissappearing rapidly?

How can one be happy when there's nothing much to look forward to?

I guess work will be just work for me after this. No more, no less.

Alas, life has to go on.

Go home!

That was exactly what my boss said to me today, at 2.50pm.

I have been sick for a couple of days but the worse part of it was that i had and still have, bad coughs. Bad, deep, congested with thick phlegm coughs.

I was minding my work when i suddenly had an itchy and bad urge to cough. So i went to the wash room and sent my whole lunch down the toilet.

When i got back to my place, he was standing there with his arms on his waist and said, 'Go home!'

I said i will go at quitting time, which was like 2.5 hours away. Besides, i have tonnes to do for my almost-half-a-million-quid project.

Instead, he said 'Pack your things and leave. I want you out of the office in 10 minutes. I will take care of things!'

But of course, i refused - saying that i will go at 5.30 and no later.

He said 'go', i said 'no', he said 'go now', i said 'but..' and it went on and on until finally i surrendered, pack my things and left the office at 3.15pm.

He didn't know that i had saved docs that i need to work on in my thumb drive. I'll still be working from home and be able to complete the things that i have planned to finish today. Haha!

Got home, took my meds, start working on the docs and soon enough, i was dozing in front of the pc.

The meds did what they were supposed to do.

Switched off the pc, took a pillow and slept till 7pm.

Guess i need the rest after all.

All About Monday

Have made plans for iftar at Giggsy’s place since last week.

Carefully planned my Monday and made sure that everything was done and settled before going off to a meeting at 3pm. When I got to my cubicle an hour later, there were a couple of documents that needed immediate attention and to make it worse, my boss want them completed before I leave the office.

Arghh!!

So I slaved till 6pm and emailed everything to him before practically running to the car park. The road was packed!

Oh no!! I won’t make it on time!!

Reached home before iftar – thank God, despite the bad traffic. As if knowing I won’t make it to the glorious party on time, the highway toll attendant handed 2 boxes of mineral water and dates. The kids were excited to see such fancy boxes and didn’t waste any time to gobble it all up. Thank God (again) that nobody choked!



So we quickly bathe and headed straight to KFC to buy the biggest value meal on the menu.

Reached Giggsy’s pad at 7.30pm and started the feast. We talked and talked and talked till it was late. Picked up the pineapple tarts I ordered from Reena’s aunt and headed home soon after. Kakak was pouting – refusing to leave her aunties. What can I say, my kids love the company of their aunties.

So.. that was Monday.

Oh, I received more picts from Deli.

Enjoying the weekend in Tokyo
We really missed him but looking at the picts made me missed him even more.

I had this unexplainable ache in me – the same feeling I had when he left me for his first overseas trip..

One Dull Weekend

So. Weekend wasn’t much fun without my favorite guy around.

Spent Saturday at home doing laundry and the sort. I am blessed with such great kids. They did their chores without much hesitance. Kakak didn’t even whine when asked to deal with her school shoes, like she normally would.

Adik was as helpful as always. He’s more attentive towards us these days. He’s such a darling.

Anyways, I was bored to the skull by 7pm. Called up VF and asked if she’s free to catch a movie with us. I wanted to see The Devil Wears Prada but would think the kids will fidget non-stop throughout the movie, so I booked tickets to see Zoom instead.

We left before 8pm and did a bit of window shopping. Spent some time in Times bookshop while waiting for the royal highness to make an appearance.

Movie started at 9ish and it wasn’t that interesting. I say so because kakak was bored at some point and started bombarding VF with questions like ‘did you drive to get here’ and ‘where’s your car’. Adik on the other hand, almost dozed off with popcorn still clutched in his hands.

To add more to it, some idiots decided to share their not-so-interesting life stories with the audience by conversing loudly. Not to mention, making and receiving calls with the same shrill voice. Annoying indeed!!

Sunday was no different.

Went to Carrefour for groceries. I wanted to dine at Chicken Rice Shop but it was full to the brim with people for iftar. Got tired of waiting, drove back to Setiawangsa and bought chicken rice from a mamak stall instead.

Had dinner (coz I was on mid-Ramadhan raya) and prepared the essentials for the coming week.

Dang. That was one boring weekend!