Some Guys Did Nothing but Belittle Others

I just had a mid-year review session with my old boss. It was a little late and it's no longer 'mid-year' per say, but the exercise was required, like any other performance reviews.


Let me just begin with how much i hate going through the exercise and that i have lost faith in any form of performance-review-thingamajig. This goes way, way back, so no, i'm not discussing that today.


I didn't really care about the ratings anymore or whatever he has to say to me. He has his strings of blue-eyed girls and boys - all ready to butter him up.


I don't play that game - hence the not caring for the ratings and stuff because at the end of the day, no matter how much i tried, it will all be in vain. So i chose not to care.


Today i am a bit pissed. A bit is actually underrated because i really am pissed. He asked me a question and i answered truthfully because i am a bad liar. I couldn't lie 'beautifully' even to save my life. Yes, pathetic. I'm just weird that way.


He then asked me to justify the answer i gave him and i did. He was not happy, obviously because he was part of the negative bit of my answer. 


I wonder; how was it my fault that the projects he assigned to me were not feasible? It was not my call and it was pretty much overruled by the MBB. Then i was off to find a project on my own - which i did, not 1 but 2 projects.


He has the nerve to say that i took my own sweet time to find a project while others have started work on theirs. He denied the fact that everyone else was GIVEN projects and i am the only one who went out and find projects on my own.


He refused to admit that i did okay and was very surprised that i am actually at the same phase with those who started way before i did. I wanna say 'up yours' but my i still have my manners. Oh wait, i don't have to be civil in here. So UP YOURS. There.

The L Word

I was looking for a file in my laptop when I came across this piece. I couldn't recall if I have publish it in here, so I'm doing it now, just in case. Here goes.

Love is supposed to be wonderful. Love is unconditional and kind.


Love was supposed to bring all sorts of fuzzy feelings like the after-taste of a cup of warm cocoa. Then again, I have learned not to assume.

Experience taught me that love can be cruel. Love has the ability to destroy every bit of trust one may have. Love is actually conditional and laced with despicable intentions.

I have seen it – how love damaged a life, a family and a sacred institution called marriage. I have witnessed how love changed a person’s priorities and how it has turned a man into a beast. I have seen how love has caused humiliation, depression and disappointments.

Love and pain should not be in any single statement. In real life, more often than not, it does.

It’s probably the most painful thing one can ever experience – to love someone and have that love turned into the sharpest knife that went straight through the heart. The pain is unbearable that you don’t think you are able to pick yourself up and place one foot in front of the other.

I guess the bigger question is why it had to hurt and the mere mortals, given that fact, are still hung up on love. No one should suffer from bitter love. Not even the most hideous criminals.

Climbing the Pile

I have been very, very good.

Well, until today that is.

I bought 6 books today, dear God! 
That should keep me occupied till year end. I hope.

Work is a Battle Field

I hate to be talking about work again. It's what I talk about most of the times with friends at work, with my other half at home. Geez. Of all the things we could talk about.

However, this time it's good news.

Well. Cutting the story short, I had luck on my side. I was saved from being the casualty of a vendetta between a couple of Dutch guys. I have to thank the Aussie guy for holding his grounds and helping me out.

I will proceed as planned and brave through a different fight altogether. The first hurdle was difficult and out of my control and there will be other obstacles along the way. I hope and pray that I have the strength to get over them. Safe and unscathed.

Until then, I shall hold on to my sword and draw them when need to!

The Wind Beneath Our Wings

Am totally in love with the words of the song Wing Beneath My Wings by Bette Midler.

We all have our own 'wind-beneath-our-wings'.
In my case, it's the strong ladies of my clan.
I would be grateful to have even half of their strength or wisdom.
The amount of trials and hardship they have braved through - it's beyond words.

Hats off to all of you, wonderful people.
You truly are an insiration.

I could fly higher than an eagle

But you are the wind beneath my wings..

Bitter-Sweet Symphony

It was indeed an eventful Aidilfitri.

A lot of emotions running - high, low, the whole combo.

There were definitely a lot of tears.
Even the skies were gloom, marking broken hearts and wounded feelings.
There was no better place to be than the sacred house.
Sheltered from hurtful words and tactless actions from those whom are too proud to be among us.

We are fine without you.
Raya is for us, for our family to be united and together.
You have chosen your path, so be it.
You are no longer a part of our family.
No more in our tree, definitely not in our hearts.

Leave us be.
We are happy.

Farewell My Friend

Saying goodbye is always hard. Especially when it comes to close friends.

Last Friday, I bade goodbye to yet another good friend. She's venturing into much greener pastures and I have no doubt that she will be appearing in electronic media pretty soon. I am so happy for her but as far as letting a good friend go, I'm not too happy about it. Oh well. One can't have everything one desires.

To my dear friend, all the best to you. I know you will do great. I'm gonna miss you lots.

Counting Crows

I have lost count of how many times I've read Harry Potter books.

Each time felt like a first. Each book, a page turner. Each story, a new adventure.
It's like my personal drug - I'm quoting Edward Cullen from Twilight movie.

I foresee many more re-reads to come and I'm looking forward to reading each and every one of them. Again.

So what's your poison?

Oh, those 6 packs!

I dreamt of Jacob Black last night. Abs and all - yums! I couldn't remember the details though. Darn.

Vampires are cool but this warewolve rules!

What becomes of the broken-hearted

There.

A new look for a new beginning, or the end of a chapter for this blog.

I can't even start justifying the reason why I have abandoned this blog for months. Of course, work got in the way and blogging time was down to a bare minimum. Truth is, I never really made time to sit and blog. I did kept my thoughts and rants in a journal. A black book with a dedicated silver pen. I suppose some thoughts are better kept off-line. Some things are better off kept to myself.

Well, let's pick things up where they were left off.

Top of the list - a good friend has left the company. Actually, good is an understatement. He's a great person and an exceptional friend. Of course, our 6-years-friendship went through ups, downs, turbulence and the sort. I guess that made us tighter. Seeing him go was hard. Preparing a farewell book for him was harder and accepting the fact that he's not sitting next to me in the office to share gossips, stupid, sometimes mean jokes and bitch about work was by far the hardest of all.

Heck. Life goes on.

Second on the list - a betrayal. Urgh. The thing I hated the most. Especially when it involves a close friend. I don't want to get into details but suffice to say that it hurt me deep enough. I couldn't even muster the energy to talk to her, let alone do the 'forgive-and-forget'. At least not yet. I am still hurting.

Again, life won't pause for my grieving.

Next, a bit of a damper to the whole scenario because the office is now brimming with people tendering their resignations. As much as I am happy for them to be venturing into greener pastures, I can't help but wonder how it would be without them. Friends that i shared rants, secrets, meals and shoulders to cry on - the kind of pals that don't come easily. At least not for me.

Nevertheless, life keeps moving on.

Tell me just how am I suppose to keep looking at the bright side when all the good things in the office are dissappearing rapidly?

How can one be happy when there's nothing much to look forward to?

I guess work will be just work for me after this. No more, no less.

Alas, life has to go on.