A Loss

I never thought that my first entry after going into hiatus is to announce the demise of an important person to me. The previous entry was about her sufferings and all. I didn't expect to write an entry about her last day. At least not so soon. I guess Allah has better plans for her.

She's been a part of my life for as long as i could remember.

She's literally my second mother. I lived my early life with her, so to speak.

I never cared much if my parents needed to be away for work but I would cry my heart out when she's not around or when she had her weekend breaks.

I had the time of my life with her. She taught me everything that a girl should know. She introduced me to sanitary pads and taught me the art of frying an egg.

She has done so much for me. I just wish that I could do the same. She deserve so much more in life.

I wish that I could write more about how wonderful she was as a person but it's damn hard to do so when your sight is blurred by tears. Yes - I have not stopped crying since I heard the news at 10.03am this morning.

I am not strong enough to face the fact that she's gone. I wanted so much to be there but I won't make it in time to see her face for the last time. I know i should be there to pay my last respect but I couldn't bring myself to start the car and drive to Batu Pahat in this state.

I was thinking about death last night at 3am. I know I've not always been grateful to my creator and perhaps am not cut to be in heaven. I know I have to be a better person.

Ironic how that particular thought was actually a sign for something relevant.

I was thinking about death while someone was actually facing it.

Subahanallah.

Condolences to the family of Ngatinah Samin. Semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan bersama mereka yang beriman.

Al-fatihah.