Tuesday, November 23, 2010
I enjoyed the book tremendously that I purposely turned the pages slowly, savoring the experience, drinking in the emotions and holding on to each word that Morrie had to say. It was purely intentional when I delayed the journey towards the end of the tale, scared that once i am done, i will forget how to feel and celebrate life - finding perfection in any average doings. Easy to describe but i have no idea how to start doing so.
I wish i could stick little post-its on every page where Morrie had brilliantly described life but i think that would take up almost each and every one of the pages.
I feel sad towards the end of the read. It's like leaving a good friend behind. There were still words that i need to understand and apply to my own life. There were still things that i needed to learn.
If only the book was thicker.
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
Let me just begin with how much i hate going through the exercise and that i have lost faith in any form of performance-review-thingamajig. This goes way, way back, so no, i'm not discussing that today.
I didn't really care about the ratings anymore or whatever he has to say to me. He has his strings of blue-eyed girls and boys - all ready to butter him up.
I don't play that game - hence the not caring for the ratings and stuff because at the end of the day, no matter how much i tried, it will all be in vain. So i chose not to care.
Today i am a bit pissed. A bit is actually underrated because i really am pissed. He asked me a question and i answered truthfully because i am a bad liar. I couldn't lie 'beautifully' even to save my life. Yes, pathetic. I'm just weird that way.
He then asked me to justify the answer i gave him and i did. He was not happy, obviously because he was part of the negative bit of my answer.
I wonder; how was it my fault that the projects he assigned to me were not feasible? It was not my call and it was pretty much overruled by the MBB. Then i was off to find a project on my own - which i did, not 1 but 2 projects.
He has the nerve to say that i took my own sweet time to find a project while others have started work on theirs. He denied the fact that everyone else was GIVEN projects and i am the only one who went out and find projects on my own.
He refused to admit that i did okay and was very surprised that i am actually at the same phase with those who started way before i did. I wanna say 'up yours' but my i still have my manners. Oh wait, i don't have to be civil in here. So UP YOURS. There.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Love is supposed to be wonderful. Love is unconditional and kind.
Love was supposed to bring all sorts of fuzzy feelings like the after-taste of a cup of warm cocoa. Then again, I have learned not to assume.
Experience taught me that love can be cruel. Love has the ability to destroy every bit of trust one may have. Love is actually conditional and laced with despicable intentions.
I have seen it – how love damaged a life, a family and a sacred institution called marriage. I have witnessed how love changed a person’s priorities and how it has turned a man into a beast. I have seen how love has caused humiliation, depression and disappointments.
Love and pain should not be in any single statement. In real life, more often than not, it does.
It’s probably the most painful thing one can ever experience – to love someone and have that love turned into the sharpest knife that went straight through the heart. The pain is unbearable that you don’t think you are able to pick yourself up and place one foot in front of the other.
I guess the bigger question is why it had to hurt and the mere mortals, given that fact, are still hung up on love. No one should suffer from bitter love. Not even the most hideous criminals.
Saturday, October 09, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
However, this time it's good news.
Well. Cutting the story short, I had luck on my side. I was saved from being the casualty of a vendetta between a couple of Dutch guys. I have to thank the Aussie guy for holding his grounds and helping me out.
I will proceed as planned and brave through a different fight altogether. The first hurdle was difficult and out of my control and there will be other obstacles along the way. I hope and pray that I have the strength to get over them. Safe and unscathed.
Until then, I shall hold on to my sword and draw them when need to!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
We all have our own 'wind-beneath-our-wings'.
In my case, it's the strong ladies of my clan.
I would be grateful to have even half of their strength or wisdom.
The amount of trials and hardship they have braved through - it's beyond words.
Hats off to all of you, wonderful people.
You truly are an insiration.
Monday, September 13, 2010
A lot of emotions running - high, low, the whole combo.
There were definitely a lot of tears.
Even the skies were gloom, marking broken hearts and wounded feelings.
There was no better place to be than the sacred house.
Sheltered from hurtful words and tactless actions from those whom are too proud to be among us.
We are fine without you.
Raya is for us, for our family to be united and together.
You have chosen your path, so be it.
You are no longer a part of our family.
No more in our tree, definitely not in our hearts.
Leave us be.
We are happy.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Last Friday, I bade goodbye to yet another good friend. She's venturing into much greener pastures and I have no doubt that she will be appearing in electronic media pretty soon. I am so happy for her but as far as letting a good friend go, I'm not too happy about it. Oh well. One can't have everything one desires.
To my dear friend, all the best to you. I know you will do great. I'm gonna miss you lots.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Each time felt like a first. Each book, a page turner. Each story, a new adventure.
It's like my personal drug - I'm quoting Edward Cullen from Twilight movie.
I foresee many more re-reads to come and I'm looking forward to reading each and every one of them. Again.
So what's your poison?
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
A new look for a new beginning, or the end of a chapter for this blog.
I can't even start justifying the reason why I have abandoned this blog for months. Of course, work got in the way and blogging time was down to a bare minimum. Truth is, I never really made time to sit and blog. I did kept my thoughts and rants in a journal. A black book with a dedicated silver pen. I suppose some thoughts are better kept off-line. Some things are better off kept to myself.
Well, let's pick things up where they were left off.
Top of the list - a good friend has left the company. Actually, good is an understatement. He's a great person and an exceptional friend. Of course, our 6-years-friendship went through ups, downs, turbulence and the sort. I guess that made us tighter. Seeing him go was hard. Preparing a farewell book for him was harder and accepting the fact that he's not sitting next to me in the office to share gossips, stupid, sometimes mean jokes and bitch about work was by far the hardest of all.
Heck. Life goes on.
Second on the list - a betrayal. Urgh. The thing I hated the most. Especially when it involves a close friend. I don't want to get into details but suffice to say that it hurt me deep enough. I couldn't even muster the energy to talk to her, let alone do the 'forgive-and-forget'. At least not yet. I am still hurting.
Again, life won't pause for my grieving.
Next, a bit of a damper to the whole scenario because the office is now brimming with people tendering their resignations. As much as I am happy for them to be venturing into greener pastures, I can't help but wonder how it would be without them. Friends that i shared rants, secrets, meals and shoulders to cry on - the kind of pals that don't come easily. At least not for me.
Nevertheless, life keeps moving on.
Tell me just how am I suppose to keep looking at the bright side when all the good things in the office are dissappearing rapidly?
How can one be happy when there's nothing much to look forward to?
I guess work will be just work for me after this. No more, no less.
Alas, life has to go on.
Thursday, July 08, 2010
It's amazing how a simple bowl could provide such wonder and excitement to a creature.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Of all the books I own, there are a few favorites - coincidently written by the same author. I realized that these few books are the ones I turn to while going through difficult times.
The spines of my Harry Potter books are without a doubt, the most pitiful.
I have absolutely no idea why I'm drawn to the sorcery world. I just do. I love drinking in all the details and getting lost in the stories. I dare say that the magical world offers me comfort. Even if it's temporary. Even for a while.
Sometimes a while is all you need.
I found this piece when I was clearing my files. For the life of me, I couldn't recall if I have publish it. Just in case I have not.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Well, work got in the way most of the time. Then there was the program I'm pursuing. Three weeks of training, 1 exam and 2 projects to complete.
A week of training done - 2 more to go.
I'm still trying to find a project and with a few more days to the second week of training, I don't even know how this is going to be. Most of the participants are with projects assigned by their bosses while I had to find one on my own.
With 2 projects running simultaneously, I just lack the time to actually sit and talk with the clients.
I know, I know. That should not be an excuse.
So. I'm off to find me a project. Later peeps.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Apparently he was aiming for a crow, perched on the pole. Believe me it was really, really high.
I left him to his pursue with a grin across my face, thinking 'silly cat'.
While braving through the usual morning traffic, I got into thinking about Bear's silly chase and the irony it's trying to tell me.
If a cat can be that optimistic, then I'm pretty sure I could do the same, if not better.
Maybe I should look at life from a different view - deal with life and the baggage that comes with it one day at a time and take things easy.
Less stress, better life, no?
Then again, it's also possible that God is trying to tell me to stop fighting a losing battle. Forget the impossible, don't focus too hard on unreachable targets and to maybe, be reasonable.
Life is funny, don't you think?
I think it is. Especially when you're trying to decipher life from a cat's crazy bird-chase!
Take it easy :)
Sunday, April 04, 2010
The main agenda was of course, console gaming.
I was not particularly eavesdroping but i heard him apologized to them on how messy his game den was. It just puts a smile on my face to learn that my son, brutal as he might seemed, has some sense of respect for his friends and definitely know how to treat his guests.
As if that is not enough, he actually reminded his friends to not make too much noise, as not to irritate his sick mummy.
A huge smile plastered across my face for a good minute. The proud feeling however stays on to this very second.
We must have done something right to deserve such an angel.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
The anticipation, adrenaline-pumping, excitement - you get the picture.
It's my favourite part. Ever.
Cracking my head during feasibility studies, putting together options, solutions and the highlight of it all - preparing for project board meeting.
It's good to be back.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Living separate lives
Pursuing different dreams
Let's pretend that we strangers
That smiled over a cup of coffee
Across the busy cafe at the wee hour
Of a very fine day
We could be that stranger
But would we be content
Could we appreciate life
And what it brings if we're together
We could be that stranger
But why would we
When we can be happy
Rejoicing life, fulfilling dreams
Even if those were not as we imagined
When we are that stranger
Friday, March 05, 2010
Exactly 11 years ago, the same day and date.
A Friday night, back at my parents'.
I wasn't even sure that I was ready.
It just felt right.
It was like, everything was meant to be.
It was like,we were meant to be.
There we were and here we are.
Thursday, March 04, 2010
Yesterday, I decided to check my office emails and found a particular email sitting there, causing my heart to ache with dissappointment. I don't even know what to think anymore. Maybe playing ignorant is the best bet for now.
Life is too short to be having all the negativity loom around me.
On a lighter note, I am persuing something at the moment. There were a few meetings arranged and so far, everything is going great. I am hoping for the best but I know better than to have my hopes all that high. Nothing is confirmed yet so until then, I'll keep things under wraps.
I thought sitting at home would give me the space that I needed but after a couple of days, I was totally bored. If not for the pain, I might actually go to the office. Not because I love the place that much - it's more of the people I like hanging out with.
Oh well. One can't have everything one desires.
Monday, February 22, 2010
It was excruciating I couldn't even put it in words. It was so painful that I literally cried.
Yes, I cried. It WAS bloody painful.
I don't even think I cried giving birth to the kids.
The pain subsided a bit after Deli gave me some zam-zam water. The pain was still apparent but bearable. Driting to sleep was slightly easier after that.
This morning, we headed to the clinic to learn that my 'lovely' wisdom tooth was the cause of my misery. It was oddly angled to begin with, it has now cracked a bit and extraction is vital.
Now I need to wait for the swelling to subside before the surgery. Until then, I just to have to bear the pain.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Monday, February 01, 2010
I wonder if I could read a hundred books this year.
On that note, I am starting a drive - if it's the appropriate term at all.
I will strive to read 100 books in 2010. This is gonna be interesting :)
Let's start counting!!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
I don’t think there’s anything wrong from being an opportunist.
We are all opportunist even in the smallest way. I am, you are, everybody is.
However, I draw an absolute line at cheating, lying and pure deception. One might see it as an opportunity or a gaping advantage that is up for grab.
To each, his/her own.
I came across this scenario earlier this week.
Though the offer was indeed tempting, my conscience got the better of me. I politely declined the invitation of deception. I want to achieve something because I deserve it and not because I had a little ‘advantage’ fanning my way through.
It wasn’t easy – the devil has its way of luring one to such state. Sometimes the devil wins, other times, it might not.
Either way, I doubt that the devil will stop tempting.
Know yourself; know what you want and how you want to look (back) at your life.
You’ll do okay.