Sunday, January 27, 2008

Dazed and Betrayed

I have not written anything for almost 3 weeks now.

That’s exactly how long I have been living in great stress. Just work though. My personal life is doing fine.

A lot had happened – most were totally unexpected.

Let’s see. There was the unexpected humiliation, the unexpected admittance of fault, the unexpected ignorance and just a couple of days ago, the unexpected accusation.

It’s actually a long story but the gist of it would be me, standing firm, defending the project discipline while the project QA agreed with the VP to start unauthorized work! Well it was more dramatic that what I have written. I know that because when I left the VP’s room, it was like walking on air. I was confused, angry and sad - all those feelings at the same time.

Most of all I felt betrayed.

The person, whom I trusted and looked up to, had let me down. To make it worse, he was supposed to be my new boss. Yes, he’s the Dutchman.

I won’t elaborate on the rest of the unexpected events but let’s just say that all of those made the word STRESS my new best friend.

I had a really good talk with my boss. He actually listened to my griping and threw a little advice here and there. Suffice to say that I now have second thoughts about the transfer. I am still thinking and still am torn between staying and leaving till this very moment.

Let me think for a while.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Blast From The Past

I'm listening (instead of watching) to MTV right now. They're playing songs from the 80s.

Ahh. Music that are familiar to my ears.

It's airing She's Like The Wind by Patrick Swayze. Oh goodness. Yummylicious. Face - not voice though. Heheh. Lookes like a soundtrack from a movie but couldn't tell which one.

Since we're talking about blast from the past, I have some interesting tale about my performance rating form.

- My Perogative by Bobby Brown is on -

My boss told me that he was given a very bad rating without even a chance to dispute. It's close to being Below Expectation if not BE itself. Apparently his boss and him don't see eye to eye about a lot of things and a way for his boss to make a point is to mess with his rating.

Talk about being professionals. Urgh.

- Red, Red Wine by UB40. I love them!! -

The thing is, it's spilling into my rating as well. Now this, I won't tolerate. It's not about the bonus (oh yeah, it does!) but what it says about me and my performance. I worked my arse off last year and no way in h*ll am I gonna let someone who doesn't know a thing about what I do, mess with that.

I'm putting my foot down. I won't consent the form. I'll die defending my rating, if I have to. Especially if I have to suffer because of a feud I'm not involved in. Jeez.

Wah. Such spirit.

- Marabahaya by Pop Shuvit. Eh, what happened to the songs from the 80s? -

Anyways, that's not the only thing that pissed me off this week. As expected, I had to be the Pricipal Project Manager for the one where I was supposed to be the Business Analyst. This is on top of the BA role, mind you. I am, as always the multipurpose robot in projects.

Frankly, I'd rather have this project phase as a Change Request. The deliverables are due by March 1st and I know by experience that we won't have enough time to even develop the solution. I drafted the project plan and it's already spilling to mid March.

Urgh. This is not gonna be pretty.

I also hate the fact that the team members still see me as a clerk rather than a PM. It's because I'm not a Manager. In this organization, people couldn't care less about what you say or do, unless you are a Manager. You don't have to be a Manager who knows what you're doing. You just have to be a bloody Manager.

I hated the fact that I took this job in a haste and settled for less. Darn.

You know what, I think I'm getting tired of doing this. Doing things that I don't really fancy and not have my 100% interest in. Maybe I should just quit and find out what I'm destinied to be.

Maybe. Just maybe.
Baby Cat pulling a 'whatever' face

Meanwhile, let me just enjoy my spanking new Starbucks diary. Heheh.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Just Another Day

Deli's in Japan. Again.

So this week is pretty much a tiring week for me. Especially because I wouldn't be able to sleep well at night. Last night, i kidnapped adik from his bed and make him sleep with me. Then again, adik is a frequent visitor to my bed. He wouldn't mind. Heheh.

Kakak had a hard time letting her daddy go last night. She cried in the bathroom - afraid that she will miss her dad terribly. She took a box from my drawer, put in a picture of adik and her, wrote a short note to her dad and a packet of bin bin crackers.

My poor baby.

I found her on her bed at 10.30pm, still wide awake, staring into space. She said she missed her dad and she couldn't sleep.


Anyways, I chauffered them to school this morning. Traffic was not that bad and i reached the office at 7.30am. Bought breakfast and headed to the pantry for a warm Milo.

Now i know that at 7.30am, hot water is not available. Urgh.

I had to wait for the tea lady to come with the water dispenser and stuff. While waiting, I called Along and harassed her at home. What better way to kill time than to harass your sister and wake her baby. Hahah.

I hope my boss will let me go off at 5pm this week. Otherwise, I will leave the office at 5.31pm and no later than that! The mood to work my arse off has yet to surface.

Oh by the way, i was in a meeting with a bunch of users yesterday. They must have mistakenly thought i was a secretary because they assumed that i will take meeting minutes in each meeting and i will arrange all the meetings for them.

Well too bad for you people. I was in the project for a specific purpose - to help with the user requirement. I am not here to do all your project documentation and minutes. Just because I'm not a manager, does not mean you can assume I need to do all the admin stuff for you.

So there. Find your own minute taker and administrator.

I just don't want to go through another round of project role bumping. Taking over other people's roles because they can't deliver the outcome. More often than not, those people are just freaking ignorant. They didn't want to deal with the hassle of project documentation and didn't bother to at least work on it. So for the sake of the project, ther roles were given to someone else. Someone like me, to clean up the mess.

It's not easy and it's a hell lot of work. Documentations have to be prepared to avoid problems with internal project auditors as well as Bank Negara auditors

I hope this time around, I will be just a Business Analyst. Period.

Oh wow. It's only Jan 8th and I'm already griping about work. Way to go!

Meanwhile, 2 more stickers and i'll be redeeming Starbucks 2008 diary. Woohoo!!

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

As I Mature

Today's my bithday.

Let me just start off by saying thanks to friends, old and new - for the birthday wishes, emails, cards and presents. That was very nice of you guys. I didn't even think I'd be getting any birthday present at this age! Heheh..

However, Deli decided to surprise me much earlier than my actual birthday. Nine days in advance, to be exact. Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase SURPRISE!! Well i'm not complaining! Heheh..

When i got back from the office, i found this on my bed.

Underneath it was a nicely wrapped box

Ripped the wrapper to find a box with a musical note sign on it

When I flipped over the box, I saw this. I was confused for a sec.
Silly me - I got it wrong
In the box, was this spanking, glittering and magnificent piece of toy.
Instead of jumping with joy, I cried.
Not the kind of happy tears that you normally see on tv but the death-from-terminal-illness kind of crying. Seriously.
I have no explanation. I didn't even know where the tears came from. I just cried. It was not a pretty sight.
I was touched. Not that he has not given me anything before but i seriously can't explain why it made me cry.
I wanted to buy a laptop with my bonus in March. I figured with the new job scope (still crossing everything that's crossable!), a laptop is essential. I have been eyeing on the lime green Dell. Babelicious!
I didn't know Santa was being extremely generous this year. Otherwise i would have mentioned the Samsung plasma tv! Hahah..
Anyways, I am very blessed to be living the life and being around family and friends.
Happy Birthday to me.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!

It's an eventful day for me.

Woke up late today - blame it to the cough meds i took the night earlier.

Checked my mobile to find tons of text messages of new year wishes and spent a couple more minutes replying them . Thanks all for the messages. That was very sweet of you.

Chu Boy sent a message saying that he's at the hospital. His wife has been in the labor room since 5am. It was 1pm then and she was still in the room. Still no baby yet.

We decided to go to Carrefour for groceries before coming to the hospital. Chu Boy called at 6pm to say that they're still in the labor room - no baby yet. The kids grabbed a quick bite and we were off from Carrefour at 6.45pm.

That was when Chu Boy caled again, asking if we could go to Puduraya to fetch his mother in law - who's been waiting since 6pm! We rushed home, stashed all the purchases, packed some food for him and sped off to Puduraya. The poor aunty waited for nearly 2 hours.

Traffic was surprisingly clear all the way to Ampang Hospital. Which by the way, we had to ask directions for because none of us has ever been to this place. Luckily Chu Boy called and gave directions.

We were not allowed in the labor room (obviously) so we waited by the lobby while he sent his mother in law to wait around the labor room. That's how far she could go. Only husbands are allowed in the labor room.

Anyways, it's 11pm and still no baby. Am still waiting for updates.

That's how i spent my Jan 1, 2008.

I hope your first day of the year was fun.