Missing My Baby

I was in no hurry to get home yesterday. Deli had a farewell dinner to attend so I figured I’d stay in the office and clear the 600 plus emails sitting in my mailbox. I never got into clearing them eversince I was in the hospital.

Got home around 7ish with a list of things to do, quietly prepared in my head during the journey back from the office.

When I opened the door, the house was unusually quiet. Then I realized that the nest was empty. The pair of chirping birds are now safely in BP with their grandparents and cousins.

I thought it would be good, you know – having the house to myself. Not worrying about late pick-ups from the nursery or what to prepare for dinner for a change.

I felt lonely instead. A surge of emptiness came over me.

I tried reading a book but it didn’t feel right. I tried my hands on some downloaded games the kids were hooked to but found it becoming less and less interesting over the hour. I tried watching some telly but none of the shows captured my interest.

Then I saw Leo (the stuffed lion) wedged between pillows at the kid’s den. I found adik’s stuffed dog (who’s still nameless after all these years) as well. Adik has never been away without Leo. He dragged Leo to Phuket, Singapore and practically everywhere we spent our holidays. I called my mom to inquire but she said adik wanted to leave Leo for a change. It was hard to believe what I was hearing. Adik without Leo seemed like an odd equation.

Sometimes I forget that my son is not a baby anymore, though I prefer him to stay that way for as long as time permits. He is becoming the young man the good doctor claimed when he was circumsized 8 days ago.

To me, adik will always be the baby and for that reason alone, I am missing my baby terribly.