The Pain We Endured

People don't know this but my heart is a fragile little thing. I could never stand a heartache. Give me physical pain any time and I will endure it but heartaches; I can never take.

God has plans for us all. He tests us and our strengths by bestowing us with challenges but only those that we are able to shoulder. He will not burden us with more than we can ever handle.

I believe for that reason alone, God has given me the sickness to live with because He knows I will be able to swallow it whole. That's also why, I believe that He did not tests me with challenges and hurdles in relationships between family and friends.

I am thankful for that because I wouldn't be able to deal with it clear-headedly.

I shared this with my sister; whom has suffered a great deal of heartache one can imagine. She cried and suffered but she's still standing. I have a lot of respect for her. She has inherited my mum's strength and I have my dad's calmness. We're meant to have those traits because without them, we would lose our battles.

God doesn't create perfectionists because HE is the only perfect being.

We, the humble servants would have to realize our own strengths and weaknesses. We have to use our strength to overcome our weaknesses.

May HE bless our lives always and show us signs we need to see and heed the teachings He has set in the holy book.

Things That I Love

Found this in my 2010 journal. Nothing has changed.

1. Books

2. Handbags

3. Crossword puzzles

4. Arts and crafts

5. Colorful pens

6. Travelling

7. Buy presents for friends and family

8. Organizing a vacation

9. Coordinating parties

10. Analyzing people

11. Writing in journals, blogs, etc

12. Good food

13. Cats

14. Jodi Picoult books

15. Peppermint tea

17. Shoes

I am still me.

Never Stop Learning

I don't appreciate being lied to; especially by someone I trust.

I don't know what this person has up her sleeves but she has her toes digging into the line way too many times. Sneaking behind my back and tell-tale to the bosses.

I don't think I am better than her in doing my job. I think I am just okay with what I do. There is no need for rivalry.

Today I get to know that the project that I was supposed to handle landed on her lap.

I hate to think that it has something to do with my 2-weeks absence. Then again, with my boss, anything is possible.

I don't particularly feel sad or anything like that. It's just that I think she's trying too hard to oust me. I have not done anything bad to her or her projects. Not a single thing.

I blame myself for trusting people so easily. More often than not, I ended up getting hurt.

Another lesson in life.

Words of the heart

Because it's you
I forget everything else and see only you
So why can't you see me too
Because it's you my heart lay hurt
Because it's you whom I love
I drink in the pain and ignored laughter
Because I love you more than you know
I keep drowning and drowning in sorrow
Playing it fine kills me whole
To see you everyday but i just can't hold
Feeling the love for you
Ends up burning my soul
You see me but you're not with me
You touched my hand and sent me to heaven
But to you it's not affection
I stand before you yet you see me through
I am merely a ghost to you



My take on the drama BIG.

Please Remind Me Who I Really Am

Something is wrong. It's been going on for a week or so now. Every time I heard a good song or watched an interesting story; I felt compelled to write. I don't exactly know what about - i just felt that i should write.

I tried penning my thoughts in my journal but i couldn't get the words right. I attempted typing words to my blog but endless typos killed the mood.

Fingers on the pen or the keyboard; neither were fruitful. 

Maybe i was wrong in thinking that i could quit my day job and become a full-time writer.

Because It's You

I am completely smitten by a song.
The song, the singer and the way it's sung.

I didn't quite understand the song because it's in Korean but somehow my heart felt heavy listening to it.
Heavy as if burdened by feelings of affection and pain so great that it made breathing extremely difficult.
It felt warm and fuzzy.
Soon after, it felt that my heart was crushed.
I can taste the pain in my mouth; bitter and stinging with hurt.
Yet I kept listening to it; over and over again.
A drug to my ears.

It's amazing how the song weaved pain and love.
To feel the endless affection that soared higher than the sky before pain tugged it to back to the ground.

The song is called Because It's You.
It's the original soundtrack of the Korean drama Big.
I think the original singer is Davichi.
I much prefer the version by Gong Yoo; the lead actor in that drama.

I think the song's staying in my playlist for a while.
I have pretty much deleted the rest of the songs in the playlist.

Find it in YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1nbs91UCvU

Read & Write

I've read quite a number of books & I happened to have written a lot too; but mostly rants as a way to let some steam off.


I have tried fictions, poems and serious pieces but of late, I find it hard to start writing again. Calling it a writer's block doesn't seem appropriate since I am not a 'writer' to begin with. I have all these thoughts in my head but I couldn't translate them into proper strings of words and I couldn't even put the ink on paper.


I hope this is just temporary.


I was probably thinking too much.

Signed, Sealed, To Depart Soon

It's all done. Tickets purchased. Hotel room booked. 


This is out of the norm but I really need it. With all the stress and annoying people; I really need a break from the office.


We're flying off soon for a short get-away. The kids will have to skip school for a couple of days. I have applied for leave while Deli is so damn lucky; there'll be an audit (or something like that) going on at the same dates. 


Am really looking forward to it :)

The Best Thing I Never Had

I spoke too soon. Like, real soon; because things have been spiraling down since last week. 


But of course, I am talking about work.


The first time i heard the news, I was totally upset. I felt like sporting a hole on the wall. I acted a little moronic (to my interpretation; but nobody was hurt physically) and ended up having to apologize to a colleague.


Yup. I shot the messenger. Guilty as charged.


I am still thinking about the news to this very day but I have accepted the fact that feeling bitter will only pull me down further.


So I decided to be happy and let nature takes its course. I believe in karma. I believe in the wheel of life - what goes around, comes around and the whole junk. 


Luckily, work has been very demanding that I rarely had time to socialize with my friends over lunch. Work has been keeping me busy and I prefer it like that.


Probably this will turn out to be the best thing I never had.

Kicking Off the Not-So-Good

Staying positive is easier said than done.


I have tried it; hence the statement above. I'd like to give it many more tries, though.


A few days ago, I attempted just that. Surprisingly, it was not as hard as i remember it to be.It started good and then, as if jealous of the peachy progress, i went downhill with an annoying email. I let myself to frown upon it for a little bit and then forced myself to drop it.


It worked like magic!


I have never tried this before - how silly of me! 
Oh, never mind. We erred and we learned. That's the way; that's life.


I thought that day was rather productive. I managed to get heaps of things done; crossing them off my to-do list and adding more to keep me busy though the days to come.


I'm loving this.


I also love Jason Mraz & Jacob Black :)

I Won't Give Up on Me

Have I ever mentioned that I love Jason Mraz? What? Many, many times?

Oh, who's keeping count!

Yes. I love that guy. Like a lot, a lot. 

I love the words in his songs and his journal. 

I wish I could be as expressive as he is.

He is truly an inspiration.

We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in

I had to learn what I've got and what I'm not and who I am

~ I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz ~

The Other Half

I saw a Korean variety show on tv a few days back. It was all laughs but something a contestant said caught my attention. I couldn't remember the exact words but it was something like this:


When you bad-mouth your spouse, it's like talking bad about yourself. It's because you chose your spouse and he/she is the reflection of you and our choices.


Something along that line.


I couldn't agree more.


I have met people who talked about their spouses like they were mortal enemies. I can understand that sometimes things weren't that rosy and you'd want to vent about it. I can also understand that sometimes a person teased and joked about their partners. 


I don't however, think it's alright to constantly bad-mouth your spouse to other people. It's not a nice thing to do and to listen to.


I personally think it's only right for us to uphold our spouses' dignity. Ours as well. Literally.


After all, a relationship is about tolerating the good, the bad and the in between. If that is non-existent, then you might want to consider getting out of that particular bond.


Life is short. We might be dead tomorrow. Why dwell on hate when you can be happy?


Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone ~Stronger by Kelly Clarkson~

Used to Have It, Not Anymore

More often than not, we desire of things that we do not have. In some extreme occasions, we would love to have the things that we just couldn't have. It's just how humans are. 


While wanting and waiting for those wishes to come true, we almost always forget to be thankful for what we already have. Taking things for granted is also an unfortunate trait of us humans.


Like i mentioned, i am not yet a Cullen (though i much prefer being nipped by the werewolf Jacob Black), hence am not ashamed to admit that i was one of those people who wanted something so bad that i forgot to be thankful and literally lost what i already have.


I have been saying over and over, about a gazillion times, how much i wanted a ginger cat. I was always on the lookout for strays, adoption channels and such, until our neighbor kindly gave us a ginger kitten from their litter. 


I was ecstatic beyond words. God finally answered my prayer and granted us with Owen. A couple of months after that, i lost Kechik - my 13 year old cat whom i loved to bits. I have had him since he was 3 months old. He was adopted from a shelter while i was still studying in Rhode Island and i had saved enough money to bring him back with me to my homeland.  My mom made a racket about spending that much to bring a cat home but she also knew that i can be very stubborn when it comes to doing what i want. 


If man has trophy wives; i have the trophy cat. 


He was the perfect cat in my eyes; regal, loyal and doted on me and only me. Others find him intimidating mainly because of his size and he had really, really sharp claws. That much i knew because he would knead on my head practically every night. I loved him a lot but sometimes i think he was just torturing me with his so-called act of kindness. To others, he's a fierce cat but to me, he's just mellow Kechik which melted in my arms and slept with me at night.


We did everything we could think of to find him; we did flyers, scouted around the neighborhood and spread the words in the virtual world. He was no where to be found.


I still miss him, to this very day. I think about him most of the time and i looked at his pictures as much as i can.


Indeed, i have what i wished for and i love Owen a lot; but it came with a heavy price-tag. 


I have learned my lesson and maybe you can learn from my mistakes.

Live High, Live Mighty

2012 has inched on to the second month. 


Two short months but it feels like forever; especially when i am doing things that i am starting to abhor. A total lot.


I have all these ideas in my head but i worry too much about a lot of things. I wanted to be ready when i start this. I want to be prepared and have alternatives lined up when things do not go the way i wanted them to.


I wish i could stop worrying too much and stop trying to control things that i could not. 


I think i really have to walk the talk - about living righteously. 


Now seems like a good time to start.

Hello 2012

Happy New Year!


Gosh. It's been one hell of a year. Lots of ups and downs, not to mention the in-betweens. Can't say that i hate them all. One needs the balance in life to keep those feet firm on the ground. I thank God for all that had happened. I learned from my mistakes, took pride in the changes that i brought in and thought about life a whole lot more than usual.


I know,i rambled a lot in FB but that's just me. I always need an instant outlet to be able to leave the gross behind me and move on. It might pose a little disadvantage but hey, i can live with it.


Anyways, i hope to be able to blog more this year. No matter how busy i get, i should make time for blogging.


Happy new year everyone! Here's hoping 2012 to be a better year :)