Musing Over Friday

Today’s Monday. Dah namanya Monday – pagi2 dah terasa the Monday Blues.

Called Deli this morning. Sounds like he’s enjoying the trip coz this time around he gets to really be the boss and let his subordinate do the work. Lucky fella!

So.

What happened last Friday was really something. Left the office with a heavy feeling like I’m carrying a bag of stones with me. Felt bad that I had to cancel the session with my trainer but I reckon my emotional health comes first.

Initially, I seriously thought I screwed things up but when I check all my documents and communications to the Project Board, every single change was mentioned. I was convinced that I did what I was supposed to do. I was trying my best to run damage-control on my own and make sure everyone’s on the same page. I was a phone call away from meeting the COO when the Dutchman called.

The conversation left me even more confused.

I tried to keep calm all the way from 4th floor to 19th floor. By the time I reached my desk, I was reaching for a Kleenex. My boss was not around so I thought I could just deal with this for a while and feel better afterwards. He doesn’t even have to know that I almost finish my Kleenex (what’s left of it). That’s when I heard someone coming to the office. Damn. It was too late. He pulled a chair and made me tell him everything.

Received the longest text message from the Dutchman later that night. He mentioned that he had a chat with the COO (who happens to be a Dutch guy himself and very yummy looking, mind you) about what happened.

Hi you, I just spoke to the COO. He absolutely does not blame you. He’s just disappointed with Banca about a new product… (details had to be omitted). The project was just an additional issues to rub it in. I believe there is no other project as transparent as yours. This is your merit. Be proud with the good job you are doing.

So I forwarded the message to my boss, in which he replied:

So it’s okay to blow off someone just coz you’re pissed with another? It just goes to show what crap leaders we have.

It’s been hard for me lately – I can handle the project but managing the people, especially the project board is really killing me.

My boss and the COO are not in good terms. The COO and the head of project board openly screamed at each other in front of the project team. The Dutchman and my boss have some unresolved issues. I’m just stuck in between.

I can’t side the COO or any member of the project board and it’s hard to be impartial.

I have to support my department’s stand because that’s my job.

I can resign from being a project manager but I won’t coz that would make me a quitter.

Sungguh stress!!

Lagi 10 hari before I can pack and leave for the vacation. Lambat lagi.. :(