Bitter-Sweet Everything

School's starting next week and the kakak needed a haircut. Took her to the Kwik-Cut at AEON AU2 and she's all set in less than 10 mins. Super!

Before the snipping.

The snipped strands.

The new look.

After the haircut, we headed to GE Mall for dinner. Kakak was craving for japanese food while adik and I wanted to have something local.

A bit of drama here and there before we decided that today, first time in history, we will not dine together while being at the same place, at the same time. Kakak and Deli decided to have japanese food at Kiku Zakura (she fondly calls it Sakura) while adik and I headed to a kopitiam next door. Yup, the eateries are next to each other. So much for the drama.

Kakak finished a bowl of soba plus a couple of gross looking fish and cuttlefish. She's really good with the chopsticks - unlike mummy.

Ended the trip with coffee and couldn't believe our luck because Starbucks offered buy-1-free-1 drinks. Am not sure if it's for all drinks because we ordered toffee nuts for all. We decided to be greedy and ordered venti for all 4 drinks.

As a result, the kids were pretty high on caffeine and they were still awake when the clock striked 2am.

It's 3.30am and I am still awake. I tried reading a book but the book turned out to be a page-turner - s0 I'm still wide awake. I tried blogging - still no change.

I have to wake up in 3 (or 4) hours for work. Darn.

I blame you, evil, evil caffeine!

Lily Digs David

I was on YouTube earlier today, looking for songs to add to my playlist.

As usual, I had the air-cond on while surfing in my room and as usual, the furballs would litter my bed, napping or simply lounging while the cool air rippled their coats.

I searched for David Archuleta's songs and watched 'A Little Too Not Over You' when Lily stood up and slumped in front of my laptop. Oh sorry, on my laptop.

I initially thought he (yes - Lily's a boy) was looking for a bit of warmth, you know - from the cool air-cond. Took a closer look and saw that he was wide awake, staring at the eye-candy himself!



When I played 'Crush' Lily inched a little bit closer to the monitor. Seriously!

Oh-ho! Lily's apparently into David Archuleta!

Food for The Soul

Deli's been craving to eat at Johnny's steamboat for at least a week now. We stopped by the new outlet at AEON AU2 a few times but couldn't stand the long queue.

So today, we went to our favorite outlet at Alpha Angle. Walah - no queue. Just the way we like it. We feasted on, literally. Adik even helped himself to continous helpings - which was a great deal for a picky eater like him.

The kids had a great time spending (mom and dad's) money at the arcade centre. They even leashed out hidden talents - I presumed inherited from their father. I know, talk is cheap. Here's the proof.

Stopped by Guardian for a few things when we came across this:

I told the kids that one has to be bogel (naked) to take this drink. Both laughed and took it as a joke - which was quite impressive, given the fact that Deli couldn't keep a straight face. While queuing to pay for my purchases, adik casually asked if one can still have his pants on to take the Fybogel. Well of course I said no. Why would I spoil his day? Hahaha.

To be a kid and believe in almost anything an adult says. Such naivety.

A concept almost nonexistent among adults.

'Sometimes NO doesn't mean forever. It simply means not right now.'

- The wise words of Jason Mraz -

Merry Projects

Given a choice, I would rather stay at home with Deli and the kids.

Sadly, I couldn't.

Simply because I didn't have the pleasure of making such decision.

Today's an important day not only to the project team but to the bosses as well - though more than half of them were on their jolly holidays. Bladihel.

Anxiety literaly drove me to work today. I just had to start the day with the much needed energy booster. Or nerve-calming draught. Whichever.

A venti latte with yummylicious biscotti

The office was awfully quiet when I got in. Fine by me. It probably worked to my advantage. Had to sort a couple of documents for Collection project sign-off. We're deploying on Saturday and the papers are mighty important for the exercise. No sign-off, no deployment. Period.

Workflow project on the other hand, was deployed to production on Christmas day and I need to make sure everything is a-okay before reporting a bunch of stuff to the bosses.

To add to the known butterflies-flying-haphazardly-in-the-stomach, both projects' fate were scheduled to be decided upon, before noon, by the compliance officers. Their decision will pretty much determine the success of both projects or if the CEO gets to keep her glittery points. Every audit project carries a certain amount of points on the CEO's dashboard. Points will be deducted for every failed/unclosed audit item. So yeah - no pressure there. Really. I'm gonna sit by the corner for a while.

I was on the last page of the important papers when Pea (Collection's PM) slammed the receiver and half-screamed my name - which rarely happen because she is such a doll and would never scream at anyone. Plus she's new - she has to earn the screaming rights. Heheh.

So. Pea was screaming because:

1. The manager who was supposed to sign the paper was on half day leave and was already home when she called.

2. One of the testers was on mc and the other was on long leave. Their sign-offs were crucial.

3. We were not invited to the evaluation session with the compliance officer

Well, not so much of the last item but the first 2 were pretty shocking. It could jeopardize the deployment for Collection project and we couldn't afford another slip-up. Bad enough that the timeline was dragged because of some major issue.

Pea couldn't get a hold of the users who were in the evaluation session, so i tried calling the compliance officer personally.

Lo and behold - all audit issues were closed!! For both projects!! Yeaheyy!!!!!!!

I felt like jumping with joy but decided not to, for the fear of causing tremors.

Texted the bosses of the outcome. That's gonna cost me - some of them are on vacation overseas.

Eh, would it cost more to text? Ah, what the heck. Who cares. I'm just happy. Ecstatic. Thrilled.

Rewarded myself with these babies

So dear readers, these 2 projects were the reason why I was so caught-up with work. I will write more frequently from now on. Provided that my boss won't assign more audit projects to me anytime soon! I have loads of picts and stories to tell and will do it soon.

Do allow me to take some time to breathe. I'd probably take some time off in Jan. My boss offered me a vacation in the Lion City. I might just take him up on that.

The best reward - the smiles of these people, knowing that there won't be late nights for me (and sometimes them) and lesser dinner at Boston or Subway.. heheh

Buried Deep in Work

Have been spending a lot of time in the office lately. The 2 Mortgage projects are running UAT at the same time (09/12 - 22/12) with moi coordinating the exercise. I am dragging Jay (my new staff) to every possible meeting so that I can have him help around with the exercise. Plus, it's a good experience for him.

He did a good job with the presentation the other day. Given the short notice, I think it was not too shabby. Had to pitch in here and there but otherwise, he's okay. I need to expose him to as much processes and procedures as I can before letting him fly solo.

Then again, even with an extra hand, I need to put a lot of effort in finalizing the test script. The endless meetings and briefings didn't exactly help to speed up the process. Urgh!

I was stuck in the meeting room for almost 6 hours today with back to back meetings. By the end of it all, I was too exhausted to literally breathe or do anything else. Plus the rest of the department started leaving the office and I for one, don't really fancy being in there alone.

Tomorrow is another long day to endure but plans to catch Bolt and shop will hopefully spark some enthusiasm and energy to live the day.

We're gonna be off to pick up the kids on Saturday. We'll head to A'Famosa on the same day to join Deli's family for a little fun under the sun. Or rain. Depending on the outcome of tomorrow's meetings (yes - countless of them), I might have to haul my laptop and try my hardest to get the test script finalized for Tuesday's UAT.

I am tired but this is what I love doing.

Some picts to share with you guys..

Lily's new hiding place

Ah.. My favourite chocolate. Formerly called Twirl with purple packaging. The fine print says The crumbliest and flakiest milk chocolate - no joke!

Girls Night Out

Yana, Ina and I had a GNO last Friday.

I couldn't remember having so much fun as we did that night, for a long, long time.

Before the gala event, Yana and I did a little bit of shopping to get the mood going.

Harvest had a sale at The Weld and I got myself books for a total of 37 (Malaysian) quids. Adding to that, we shopped for wrist watches too. We got ourselves a pretty good deal and some gorgeous looking watches to boot.

We headed to Pavilion shortly after 5pm with Ina's MyVi. We could have walked but made every excuse to have Ina drove us there. Hehe.

We shopped and shopped and shopped some more till we literally burnt holes in our soles.

Filled our empty tummies at Dome before heading to the cinema to catch Madagascar 2. Lots of laugh - really.

I had a great time, thanks to the lovely and lively company. Let's do this again!

Taking It Easy

What started as a favor has now become a responsibility.

I was assigned, yet another audit project, scheduled to go live by year end.

I am now involved in 4 projects in total - concurrently. Three of them are scheduled to go live by Jan 1st, 2009.

I did wonder if I could live up to everyone's expectation. The endless task list and the amount of effort can be intimidating, not to mention taxing. I guess this is a good chance for me to test my abilities and maybe, push the limit.

I can't help but love Live High by Jason Mraz. Just the words I needed to hear and hang on to.

'Live high, live mighty, live righteously. Take it easy.'

Missing My Baby

I was in no hurry to get home yesterday. Deli had a farewell dinner to attend so I figured I’d stay in the office and clear the 600 plus emails sitting in my mailbox. I never got into clearing them eversince I was in the hospital.

Got home around 7ish with a list of things to do, quietly prepared in my head during the journey back from the office.

When I opened the door, the house was unusually quiet. Then I realized that the nest was empty. The pair of chirping birds are now safely in BP with their grandparents and cousins.

I thought it would be good, you know – having the house to myself. Not worrying about late pick-ups from the nursery or what to prepare for dinner for a change.

I felt lonely instead. A surge of emptiness came over me.

I tried reading a book but it didn’t feel right. I tried my hands on some downloaded games the kids were hooked to but found it becoming less and less interesting over the hour. I tried watching some telly but none of the shows captured my interest.

Then I saw Leo (the stuffed lion) wedged between pillows at the kid’s den. I found adik’s stuffed dog (who’s still nameless after all these years) as well. Adik has never been away without Leo. He dragged Leo to Phuket, Singapore and practically everywhere we spent our holidays. I called my mom to inquire but she said adik wanted to leave Leo for a change. It was hard to believe what I was hearing. Adik without Leo seemed like an odd equation.

Sometimes I forget that my son is not a baby anymore, though I prefer him to stay that way for as long as time permits. He is becoming the young man the good doctor claimed when he was circumsized 8 days ago.

To me, adik will always be the baby and for that reason alone, I am missing my baby terribly.

Wind of Change

We had a meeting with the Chief Strategy Officer (CSO) yesterday. He announced a restructure in our little department.

The Dutchman is no longer the HOD. The previous COO will be our new HOD. It translates to a lot of demotion for the bosses and maybe us.

I have no idea if I will still manage my current team. Or if I even get the promised promotion that supposedly came with the position.

Nobody knows anything at the moment.

Comes Monday, we might all be reporting to the same boss.

This would make my 5th reorg in 2 and a half years stay in this organization.

Splendid.

A Saturday @ Zoo Negara, Sponsored by ING

Enjoy the picts.

We had fun at the zoo. Thanks to ING for sponsoring the tickets.

Volunteering @ Zoo Negara

I'm letting the pictures speak for themselves.

Only Now

I am worried.

I had an interview with a journalist from one of the local dailies (more details on that later) this afternoon. She asked me questions in Malay and I was supposed to respond in the same language.

It was an eye opener.

Why?

Because I had problem communicating in proper and complete Bahasa Melayu. A problem I never thought I would have.

I kept translating words in my head but it sounded stupid and somehow inappropriate.

Now I understand what Sharifah Amani meant when she said that she sounded stupid when she speaks Malay.

And no, I’m not saying that I am fluent in English either. I just thought that I am capable of conversing in proper Bahasa. As always, I thought wrong.

Weird thing was, I teased Yana when she had to rehearse for a radio interview with one of the local radio station yesterday.

Darn. What is wrong with me?

Lucky I'm In Love

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend

Lucky to have been where I have been

Lucky to be coming home again

I'm lucky we're in love in every way

Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed

Lucky to be coming home someday

I just can't get over this song - Lucky by Jason Mraz and Colby Callait.

Jason Mraz's latest record is A.W.E.S.O.M.E. I got a free shirt too. Coolness!

Kakak and Adik can pretty much sing I'm Yours by now. With excellent American slang, mind you. Hahah.

There are a lot of things that i need to blog about. Maybe later.

Gotto go. So many things to do.

Believing in Silver Lining

Here’s a series of events for today:

Bad news:
I am out of resources and had to be a part of yet another audit project (for mortgage) scheduled to complete by year end. This year though, not 2009.
Good news:
I am not managing the project. I will be the BA instead and also back up to the PM when needed. Phew! That’s a big relief.

Bad news:
The zipper on my pants has gone bonkers and refused to close. Darn. I have a farewell dinner to attend after work.
Good news:
My shirt is long enough to cover the affected area. I just have to remember to not fidget too much. Plus, I get to buy a new pants – yey!!

Bad news:
The timeline has shifted for PU project and I don’t know how long I can stand working with the team. Sucks.
Good news:
I am proposing to the Dutchman that I become the Project Consultant rather than PM. Thanks to the latest workload of Mortgage project.

Ah. The silver lining. Always. Even for the little things.

Of Crappy People

Do I look like stupid to you?

Last week, 2 of the meetings with PU Project team was cancelled due to miscommunication. Or so they claimed.

We were supposed to meet the so-called selected vendor on Tuesday. The IT PM and I stood waiting for almost half an hour but nobody showed up!

I emailed the Business PM (she arranged for the meeting), requesting for an explanation and she did not reply to my email until 2 days later. She conveniently blamed the vendor, casting the miscommunication excuses.

What really bugged me is that she was not even in the meeting room with us – supposedly waiting for the vendor. I seriously think she did not inform the vendor about it.

The next meeting was on Friday. I have arranged weekly team meeting on Fridays at 3.30pm for half an hour for project updates.

There I was, sitting in the meeting room for half an hour – alone! Nobody showed up or bothered to call.

I emailed them, asking why they didn’t show up. One mentioned that he thought the meeting was cancelled and the other 2 just didn’t bother to give any valid excuse. They claimed that they called my mobile but it did not ring at all since 2.30pm!

One tried calling me on my mobile after I sent out the email but I didn’t feel like talking to her. It was after 4.30pm anyways and it’s past the quitting time.
It’s just too bad.

Today, I learned that all three of them were at a raya party organized by one of the divisions. They were happily shoving food down their throats while I waited for them, like an idiot, for half an hour in the meeting room.

Bladihel.

The Greener Grass

Always believe in silver lining. Always.

I had a crappy week, previously. I just can’t say the same for this week.

Went to a job interview on Tuesday and I really liked the portfolios. Yes, it was for 2 different posts. They will let me know of the results in 2 weeks, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed for as long as I can.

ROP Project is smoothly sailing and we’ll be starting UAT a day after Deepavali. UAT is always my favorite segment in a project – the rush, the stress, the negotiation and the bickering. Nothing beats the feeling of fulfillment and joy of completing a UAT exercise.

The COO however was worried that we are not able the meet the deadline given by Bank Negara – to go live on 15th November. We have a couple of contingency plans in store, just in case. Fingers crossing required for this project as well. Adrenaline pumping with such pressure!

PU Project on the other hand, is healing very slowly. I am a bit more stern than I was because of what happened last week. I suppose some people has problems dealing with the fact they have to report to a Project Manager who’s a Senior Exec in position. Especially when that person is an AVP. Tough luck. Your boss asked for help. I did not raise my hands and feet volunteering to run the project. Yuck.

Now I understand why some colleagues wished me luck when they learned that I am in a project with that AVP.

During a meeting yesterday, an IT consultant mentioned about a new audit project that was given to his team to handle. He then casually told me that he requested to the CSO to have me manage the project. I know it’s clear death sentence – managing 3 audit projects at once. I don’t think I can handle it. I am already exceeding the capacity up to December! But I took the news as a compliment. To have been referred to in a good way. I must have done something right along the way. Alhamdulillah.

I am having a friend over to the house tomorrow. A friend I got to know while I was hospitalized. We’ve become good friends ever since. I guess there’s always the two sides of a coin :)

Oh, I need to hire a Business Analyst. Here are the details. Anyone interested?


Position : Business Analyst / Junior Project Manager
Division : SPO

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES :-
* Responsible for the establishment of business and functional requirements, analysis and documentation of business processes, facilitation of process walkthroughs, and test planning and execution

* The BA is the key liaison between the business community and systems developers, playing a key support role in the transformation of business requirements into functional solutions

* Communication with Project Teams to extract their Business requirements

* Analysis of parameter changes necessary to support the Business and functional requirements

* Assist and recommend to business line managers in development of new processes to support the Business and functional requirements

* Identification of processes and operational impacts of the Business and functional requirements

* Responsible to ensure project delivery according to stake holder’s expectations within Time, Budget and Quality Requirement

* Proactive in identification and participating in training and development requirements of the
Business Analysis

QUALIFICATION :-
* A relevant tertiary qualification

* Previous experience as a Business Analyst or Systems Analyst would be an advantage

* Working knowledge of banking or insurance system would be an advantage

* Previous experience and training in Quality or Six Sigma methodologies would be an advantage

* Demonstrated analytical ability and an inquisitive nature

Of Last Week

It has been a crazy week. I can’t put it any other way.

One of the projects I’m managing went through turbulence and boy, was it messy. In 2 days, a lot of damage was inflicted upon my integrity, communication among team members and worse of all; the top management was involved in the mess. By top management I meant the CFO, CSO, CIO and an SVP. It was bad.

Day 3 was spent on damage control. Tiring, I tell you. Not to mention the searing wound imprinted on me. I foolishly sent an email to the team - somehow laced with sarcasm. I received an apology soon after by the team’s rep. I hope they will know better the next time they decided to be smart.

Case closed. I’m moving on. The whole incident took almost 4 days. Bladihel. Time wasted for almost nothing – all because of a jumpy Project Board member. Like I said – bladihel.

Luckily I had to conduct a series of briefing on project management to my new staff and a couple of interns from Holland. Given the size of the class, it was more of laid-back sessions rather than formal classes. A welcomed distraction indeed.

On a lighter note, Adnilsa invited me to her employer’s open house at Shangri-La on Thursday. I managed to drag a colleague along to the event and we had a great time stuffing our faces silly with good food. The company was interesting as well. Thanks dear J

Went to Deli’s parents’ today, to bid his elder brother farewell. He’ll be flying back to Riyadh on Saturday. We were on the highway when we heard funny noises as if something was stuck to the wheels. There was nothing else but the noise but soon after, Deli mentioned about the steering losing its power. We learned that one of the belt (don’t ask me which one – but not the timing belt) has snapped beyond repair.

So we had to borrow a car (of Deli’s brother) and leave ours. It’s weird sitting in a sedan when you are used to mpvs. It’s as if there’s no end to the already crappy week.

I am looking forward to a better week. I seriously do. I hope your week was better than mine.

A Lousy Monday

It really is.

Reasons being:
- I still have to work when my spirit is half way to BP already
- The kids' frequent asking of 'when are we gonna go balik kampung' every waking hour
- I am not done with packing yet!
- A very pitiful supply of sparklers - ever!
- Deli's intention to bakar mercun in BP!
- An email from the COO. Damage control required. Sigh.
- I have to work tomorrow too... sobs...

Sucks.

Happy Birthday to the Princess

Happy 8th birthday to Durrah Qistina.

Wishing you all the good things in life.

Happy Birthday to the Charming Boy

Happy 7th birthday to Haziq Mustaqim.

We all love you so very much.

Note:

I'm out - yey! It's been 9 long days of being away from my family and shoving hospital food down my throat.

Me and the Meds Part III

I could barely swallow these. It's lunch by the way.

Don't get me started on this one! It's a bowl of lumpy oats and 2 slices of bread. I need real food!

These babies kept me company..

One of the dinner served. Wasn't that bad.

The person who was supposed to be by my hospital bed, taking care of me. He slept on the bed. I slept on the chair. Chis..

Not only that - he ate my breakfast as well. Oyy!!!

Kakak slept on the chair when she was on duty last Saturday.

The nurse with her psp

I am still here. It's been 5 long days and still no indication on when i will be discharged. Sigh. I am much better but the kind doctor is still reluctant to let me go.

Thanks for those who came and visited - that was very nice of you people *smile*

Me and the Meds Part II

Wednesday's breakfast was yummy - pancakes and bread

Yesterday's dinner was yummy as well. Asam pedas and bitter gourd.

Super swelling hand

What caused the swelling.

However, i was dissapointed that i only got to eat a small bowl of flat noodle soup with a cup of milo for breakfast.

And i was fed with steam rice, a wierd salad mix, chicken nuggets and clear soup for lunch.

I seriously think yesterday's menu was a teaser. Today's the real deal.

I'm hungry and i have tons of work to do. I have been on the net and phone since 8.30am.

I'm hungry! Help!

Me and the meds

I am now warded at APSH.

I was admitted on Tuesday afternoon after a gruesome blood test.

Looks like I'm gonna be here for quite a while (according to the kind Dr. S)

I'll blog again soon.

Being Me

I have been working in Alaska the whole of this week. At least that’s how it felt in the office. I think it’d be great to be assigned to Alaska. I’ve never been there nor experienced hyperthermia. It’d be cool, don’t you think?

There are a couple of news that I’d like to blog about.

Dol is leaving and it’s truly unexpected and hard for me to accept. He’s sort of my best friend and a brother all dolled up in one not-so-tall person. I was planning to groom him to be my successor and take my place when I move on to the PM group. I guess that couldn’t come quick enough for him. Plus he was offered much more than what he’s making right now. A lot more. I tried to persuade him to stay but he’s pretty determined to go. Especially when we couldn’t top the offer he’s getting. That’s the sad bit, you see. I can pretty much help him with work matters but remuneration is something that’s out of my hands. I am deeply sad and most of all, disappointed.

I guess I have to tell myself to be happy for him. If he’s really not happy working in I*G, then probably leaving is the answer. I can’t force him to stay. I want to but I can’t. But I want to.

I hate it even more because now I have to take over his project. If there’s anything I hate about project, it’s audit projects. Urgh! This particular one has to be done by 15th of November. Now I have to start reading the project materials and understand the head, body and tail. I have to act like I know the project inside out when I start

So now I have to manage 2 audit projects. Double yuck! I am nearing my resource capacity limit for August and November with tasks for just these 2 projects. I had to drop another system enhancement project to ensure I don’t go overboard with my resource capacity.

So anyways, work is just work. It will never end.

On the other hand, I have not been myself for the past few weeks. I often missed work because I couldn’t even muster the energy to get ready for work. I had to share with the Dutchman of the problems that I’m facing and lucky me, he (tried to) understand my problems. So that’s pretty much covered.

I am trying to be strong and brave through the days when I couldn’t even stand for long. Some people just don’t understand the battle I’m going through and it saddens me that those are the people I loved.

Doesn’t matter. I couldn’t care less what other people want to say. It is me who’s trying with all my might to be up and about. It is still me suffering from all the pains and stuff. Why bother what others want to say?

For those making fun of what I’m going through, do remember that this pain is not exclusively mine. If He wants to test you, He will bestow upon you the same pain, if not worse.

Now I have to remember not to eat for sahur tomorrow morning. Will be doing some blood work with the doctor first thing tomorrow.

Oh, I hope it’s not too late to wish you all Salam Ramadhan and Selamat Berpuasa.

The Much Needed Break

Talked to the Dutchman yesterday and he's okay with me taking the whole of next week off from work.

I will be undergoing treatment to rid whatever it is that's been bugging me. I've got enough people telling me that i looked sick.

Probably i'll start with some blood works. Then maybe i'll move on to the traditional methods. Just to get my bases covered.

I'll be off to BP tomorrow night. Now i need to get Maxis broadband to get connected to the virtual world.

I will try my very best to update this blog as frequent as I can.

See you all soon!

Of Allergy and Something Else

I have not been writing for quite some time - my apologies for that.

Too many things to be told and yet I have to be a little selective of what I share with my readers.

So the family had enjoyed a lucky streak for a couple of weeks.

Adik and kakak won tickets (worth $128 each) to High School Musical on Ice Tour this coming Sunday. They participated in a coloring contest organized by I*G last month and they both got 2 tickets each. Yey!

We went to I*G Family Day a couple of weeks ago and the lucky streak continued on – I won a Nikon digital camera from the lucky draw and adik won a $50 MPH voucher. Double yey!

Our winnings

Noticed that Deli didn’t actually win a thing? Well he’s got us - lucky people as family. That’s lucky enough, don’t you think? Heheheh.

But then you can’t be lucky all the time.

Remember the rashes I had earlier on? Yeah. Weird thing though – I only had that on Thursdays and Fridays. I missed work for 2 Fridays because of the super dopey jabs I had to take to reduce the itchiness.

Apart from that, I suffered blurry sight after the first jab and it’s getting worse by the day. The doctor assured me that it’s not a known effect of the jab.

I told Tok Mak and Along about it and being superstitious that they are – forced me to go back to BP immediately. So off we went.

They brought me to see an uncle to help determine what’s wrong with me. Instead of getting answer to our questions, we learned a lot more than what we came for.

Even without specifying what the problem was, he asked if I had any problem at work – to which I answered NO. Then he probed me with more questions until I realized what he was getting into.

I never expected it. I have heard about it but I have never imagined myself to be in this situation. Never have I imagined. Not once.

Do you know what santau is?

Well apparently, that’s the answer to my problem. Someone sent it to me. For what reason? That person was actually after the position I was offered at Retail Ops. I don’t think it’s proper to bare the details here but that would be the gist of it.

All those sleepless nights and the indecisiveness on the offers were actually symptoms I didn’t realize.

I was rather lucky that it’s still at an early stage. Otherwise, the rashes will spread to my face and I’ll be starting to vomit blood. Not a very pretty picture, right?

We were then asked to find several items – some were quite difficult to find, I would say. I guess I still had that luck with me because Tok Ayah and Deli managed to find them all the next day. Alhamdulillah.

Anyways, as a temporary solution, I got myself glasses to help with the blurry sight. I can now drive without having to figure out what’s the color or registration number of the car in from of me.


Then there’s still that problem with my well being. On and off, I would feel uneasy, weird and the sort. I need to visit the washroom every 15 minutes and I drink like an elephant. I’m not sure if an elephant drinks as much as I do but what the heck. I couldn’t take much solid food because they’ll end up in the toilet bowl. I have lost a total of 8kg now – not that I’m complaining, but I feel so weak.

I still have problem sleeping at night. I’ll get up every other hour to go to the loo and felt tired the next morning from the lack of sleep. Some days, I’ll feel nauseous and sad for no apparent reason.

It’s very, very weird that I will feel the worst on Thursdays and Fridays. So yes, I am currently at home. I had a glass of Milo this morning and purged them all while I was in the shower. Then I cried for no apparent reason and was shaking hard for about 15 minutes or so.

Tomorrow, I have to explain to the Dutchman about all these because I think he needs to understand what I’m going through. After all, I have missed work for quite a lot.

To top all these, I have decided to turn down the offer to transfer to Retail Ops and I’m staying with SPO. The Retail Ops boss was not very happy about it and called me a coward but I don’t really give a damn. I’d rather stay alive.

A silver lining to all these – I was offered a managerial position in SPO.

God is fair, don’t you think?

Oh by the way, thanks to Millie from AZ Gift Basket for the gift of home spa for me. It couldn’t come at a better time. Thanks so much!